Honourable Parenting

Parenting Goals

There is no perfect parent on this earth, as there are no perfect people. The only perfect parent is our Heavenly Father, YHWH Elohim. This study is not intended to be used as a judgement on yourselves or each other; but rather as an educational guideline to help you become the best parent that you can be. YHWH commands children to honour their parents and this is why we as parents must be honourable!

Parenting involves more than bringing children into the world. It is our responsibility to: 1) teach our children how to live in obedience to YHWH Elohim; 2) keep our children safe from harm while still allowing them to experience the consequences of their disobedience; and 3) teach our children the skills required to be productive members of society.

We may have hopes and dreams for their lives and plans for their future, their education, and their accomplishments; however, children are not robots or “blank slates” for us to program to become who we want them to be. They are individuals with free will and the right to dreams of their own. Their purpose is not to fulfill the lost opportunities of their parents.

When we mess up as parents, and we all do, we must apologize to our children for our mistakes and renew our commitment to ourselves to do better. The way we treat them today will dictate the relationship we have with them when they are adults, and they will be our adult children for far longer than they are young. This is not to say that we treat children as adults! We treat them with the respect that is inherently due every person, and give them freedom within expanding limits.

To quote the late Dr. Stephen R. Covey, best-selling author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we must “begin with the end in mind.” The first step in learning to respect your child is to make a goal statement, for example: When my child is 25, I want our relationship to be… Once you have an image of your future relationship in mind, you can recall it whenever you catch yourself being less than respectful to your children.

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Mutual Respect

Cooperation is impossible without these four things, therefore your child would only be able to submit or rebel. Requiring constant submission from our children teaches them to be submissive. What would that mean for the child who encounters a pedophile wanting to victimize them? A terrifying thought, but a very real danger! Our children must learn courage, assertiveness, justice, and moral values, none of which will come from being forced into either submission or rebellion at home!

There are parents out there who use the excuse that respect must be earned and therefore they do not have to treat their children with respect until they earn it, despite the fact that they demand respect from their children without first earning it. To these parents, I ask: Do you treat strangers that you encounter throughout your day with respect or disrespect? The truth is that no one must earn the right to be treated with respect, it is our inherent right as human beings!

How can you tell if you have an atmosphere of mutual respect in your home?

1. If you spoke to your friends, the way you speak to your children, would they still be your friends?
2. If your friends spoke to you, the way your children do, would they still be your friends?
3. Do you believe your children should always obey their elders?
4. Do you believe it is your responsibility to keep everyone in your family happy?
5. Do you feel that you never have any time to yourself?
6. Do you often find yourself giving your child things, or doing things for them, just to “keep the peace”?
7. In an attempt to keep your child happy and avoid trouble, do you find yourself ignoring behaviours and words that bother you?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions, there is reason for concern!

While some parents may be treating their children with disrespect because they mistakenly believe their children are not worthy of respect, most parents do it only out of frustration and feeling overwhelmed. All parents have what I call a parenting toolbox, that contains all of the parenting strategies that they know. When our children misbehave and we open our parenting toolbox to find it inadequately stocked, it causes us to become overwhelmed and frustrated and then we react rather than act.

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Your Parenting Toolbox

All of the parenting tools we will cover are based on the following principles (pdf file available soon):

• Children need a positive, safe, and interesting environment in which to learn
• Children need realistic and fair expectations placed on them
• Children need freedom within expanding limits
• Children need discipline rather than punishment when they step outside of those limits
• Children need parents to be emotionally and mentally available

There are three basic tools that every parent has in their toolbox, whether they choose to use them or not. It could be how they were parented, what they’ve seen other parents doing, or a thoughtless reaction to their child misbehaving. These three tools are: yelling, grounding, and spanking.

Building Healthy Relationships

The relationship that your children have with you is the base on which they will build every other relationship in their lives. For example, when a young girl always feels that she falls short of her father’s expectations and cannot seem to earn his affection, she will grow up to have unhealthy and sometimes dangerous relationships with men as she tries to earn their affection.

We’ve covered the first tool in building healthy relationships with your children already: foster an environment of mutual respect in your home. The other three tools in this category are: spend quality time with your children, talk with your children, and show them affection.

Quality time doesn’t have to be hours, it can be minutes; we’re talking quality not quantity. By spending frequent, brief amounts of time doing activities your child chooses, while talking with them, you give them the opportunity to self-disclose and practice their conversational skills.

Affection means physical touch. Some examples are: hugging, touching their shoulder or arm, high-fives, cuddling, tickling, or patting them on the head or back. Providing physical affection shows your child through action that you love them.

Teaching New Skills and Behaviours

These moments are precious to us, but they are also vital to your child’s development as they promote language, problem solving skills, cognitive ability, and independent play. The way you practice incidental teaching is with a series of questions and prompts to respond to the child-initiated interaction and help them solve their dilemma with your guidance. Examples of opportunities for incidental teaching could be solving a jig-saw puzzle, making a toy work, or getting along with their peers.

Ask-Say-Do is a teaching method promoted by Triple P Positive Parenting Program. This program was developed by a child psychologist through the University of Queensland in Australia. When teaching a child a new skill, such as brushing their teeth, you need to break the task down into steps and then use Ask-Say-Do for each of those steps. First, you Ask the child what is the first step. Next you let the child Say what the step is, and if they cannot tell you, you Say it to them having them repeat it back to you. Then you have the child Do the step, covering the child’s hands with your own to help them if necessary until they develop the ability to Do it on their own. You then repeat this process for each of the steps in the task. (pdf file available soon)

Children respond very well to encouragement through skill charts. You can design and set up a weekly or monthly chart to help a child remember tasks or behaviours that are desirable, giving small rewards like stickers or stamps for daily success and larger rewards like activities for weekly success. Skill charts work well for things such as doing their homework or chores, playing co-operatively, asking nicely, using nice words, and being patient. The rules for the chart must be be clearly explained ahead of time along with all requirements to earn stickers, stamps, or rewards; and the reward that will be earned must also be explained from the start. (pdf file available soon)

Rewards should not be monetary, such as buying things, and should never be given when the child fails to achieve the necessary goals. When a reward is earned, you MUST follow through; therefore, if it is an activity that relies on the weather, a contingency reward must be predetermined. Stickers should never be taken away once they are earned, nor should they be given when they are not earned.

It is also important to remember that the purpose for skill charts is to provide encouragement while teaching new skills, so stay positive when interacting with your child. If they fail to earn a sticker let them know that they have the opportunity to try again tomorrow, or if they have not earned the necessary number of stickers to earn the weekly reward, let them know that they can try again the next week. Never use these times to berate or belittle the child for failure, or use guilt throwing or condemnation.

You can use skill charts for yourself as well, to help you remember while you are learning your new parenting skills!

Managing Misbehaviours

Why Children Misbehave

There are four main reasons why children misbehave. Identifying the motive behind the behaviour is the key to helping your children meet their emotional needs in a healthy way. You can identify the motive by your own emotional response to the behaviour.

Attention seeking: The desire for attention is inherent in all of us, and the more social we are, the stronger the craving; the same applies to our children. There are active and passive attention-seeking behaviours: interrupting your conversations is active while forgetting to do a chore is passive. The best way to deal with an attention seeker is to ignore them if you can, otherwise make your response indirect. Remember that attention seeking is normal; the goal is get them to seek attention in positive, healthy ways.

Revenge: Fueled by feelings of hurt, being unloved or unappreciated a child who fails to have his needs met by one of the first two methods will sometimes turn to the secondary reason for misbehaviour: revenge. The first thing to do is show him that you will not accept his behaviour, nor will you play the revenge game, but that you do accept him as a person. Show that you love him and show him authentic appreciation for good deeds he has done. Express your acceptance and appreciation for the person he is. Be proactive by investigating what led to the desire for revenge and how you can fulfill his needs so that it can be avoided in the future.

Feeling of inadequacy: This is often a result of hormone changes, combined with social stresses and a low self-esteem. It often manifests itself through skipping classes or the extreme of dropping out of school, drugs and alcohol. The best way to deal with a child who is feeling inadequate is with sincere praise, affection, appreciation and listening when they speak. Limit the critical statements you make and shower your child with love, hugs and encouragement.  

For revenge-seeking behaviours avoid the desire to retaliate or punish and remember that you are the adult and can handle some hurt feelings. Instead, work on repairing your damaged relationship by building trust and showing your child that they are loved.

When a child or teen begins displaying signs of feeling of inadequacy stop all criticism and work on building their self-esteem. Concentrate on their assets and encourage all positive attempts no matter how small. Above all, do not be hooked into pity and never ever give up!

Setting Limits and Boundaries

Children need limits and boundaries to teach them appropriate behaviour and keep them safe. When communicating them to your children, remember to be both firm and kind. Tone of voice communicates your desire to be kind and your follow-through will communicate your firmness. Remember to be FIRM not STRICT.  

Make a list of family rules and post them where everyone can see them. The rules must apply to ALL family members equally, including you as the parent, so ensure they are ones you intend to comply with as well. Word the rules in a positive voice rather than a negative one, for example, “we walk in our home”, instead of “no running.” Be specific with your rules, and limit your list to no more than three for young children and up to five for older children. (pdf file available soon)

When making the family rules, have the whole family involved in setting them; children are more likely to co-operate with rules that they feel they had a part in setting. Also, when saying the rules to your children, always word them exactly the same way. If you use slightly different wording, to a young child, they could sound like completely new rules; furthermore, if you always word them the same, your child will be able to memorize them more easily.

When a child disobeys a rule, ask them what the rule is and then have them show you how. If they can’t tell you the rule, then you tell them and have them repeat it back to you and then practice it. For example, if your child is running through the room, you would say: “Barbie, what is our rule about how we move through the house?” Barbie would answer: “We walk in our home.” Then you would reply with: “That’s right, now go back to the doorway and show me how you walk nicely.” After Barbie does as instructed you would give a brief praise.

Clarify your expectations ahead of time, for example: for watching t.v., shopping trips, visiting relatives, going out in the car. Also, be consistent in what behaviours are acceptable or not. Acceptable behaviour should not be contingent on what kind of day you are having or how much energy you have for enforcing the rules.

Clear and Calm Instructions

Give clear, calm, instructions to your child to start a new task or to stop an undesirable behaviour and start an alternative appropriate one. Begin by getting to within arms reach or so of your child and say their name to get their attention, followed immediately by the instruction. Do not shout instructions from across the room or the other end of the house.

When initiating an activity (getting ready to go out, coming to the dinner table, etc.), give the instruction one time, then count to three in your head; if the child has not complied you can repeat the instruction once. Ensure that your tone does not change if you need to repeat the instruction. If your child does not obey your instructions, follow up with a logical consequence. An example is: “Barbie, come for supper.” When your child complies the first time you make the request, make sure to use descriptive praise: “Thank you for coming to the table as soon as I asked. We are all hungry and appreciate not having our supper delayed.” (pdf file available soon)

When dealing with a problem behaviour (jumping on the couch, swinging a broom over their head, yelling loudly, etc.), give the instruction only one time along with the new desirable behaviour. DO NOT REPEAT THE STOP INSTRUCTION. Often times stop instructions are due to potentially harmful behaviours that must be stopped immediately. If your child does not comply, follow up with a logical consequence. An example is: “Barbie, stop jumping on the couch. Sit down on your bum.” When your child obeys, give a brief praise to let them know you appreciate their compliance, but not so much that they are getting undue attention. An example is: “Thank you for sitting down.” (pdf file available soon)

Remember to keep instructions to a single step for small children under five, then you can increase the complexity as your child develops. When a parent gives a young child multi-step instructions, the child will often only be able to comprehend the final step, which frustrates the parent and the child. An example of a multi-step instruction would be: “Barbie, take your bike outside through the big garage door, then come back into the garage and close the big door, then walk outside going through the house. A child who isn’t able to follow such a complex set of instructions may only hear the last step which is to go out through the house, so they would bring their bike through the house to get it outside.

One more thing to remember which has to do with instructions is to ensure that you are not asking your child to do something that is beyond their ability either physically or mentally.

Minor Misbehaviour

When your child is engaging in minor attention-seeking behaviour (e.g. making annoying noises or silly faces, whining, complaining) the best course of action is to use planned ignoring. It is vital, however, that NO ONE acknowledges the behaviour and if someone does, then you can no longer use this parenting tool and need to choose another.

Because the goal of the behaviour is to get attention, the child is likely to stop when the behaviour doesn’t work. If, instead of stopping, the child escalates their behaviour to one that is not minor (throwing or breaking things, hitting or hurting others, etc.) give a stop instruction and follow up with a logical consequence if necessary.

Choices and Consequences

When an incident occurs between two or more children, allow them all to share the responsibility for the consequences. Attempting to find the person who caused the problem only serves to encourage sibling rivalry. When everyone shares the consequences, they will begin to police each other and you will eliminate tattling.

The very best consequences are those that happen naturally. For example, if you don’t study for an exam, you could fail; or if you don’t show up to work, you could lose your job. In the absence of natural consequences for irresponsible behaviour, or when natural consequences would be dangerous, we as parents must enforce consequences and they must be logically related to the offense.

Here is an example:

Your child is playing roughly with a toy and could either break the toy, hurt themselves, or hurt someone else, and you have given them the stop instruction and they have chosen to continue playing rough with the toy.

The Natural Consequence would be the toy breaking or someone getting hurt. This would be unacceptable, so we need to give a logical consequence instead.

A logical consequence is to take the toy from the child for a set amount of time, preferably using a timer that the child can see. The amount of time depends on the age of the child, usually one to five minutes. You begin by telling the child that they are losing the privilege of playing with the toy for the set amount of time. Set the timer and remove the toy. Let the child know that they will have the opportunity to show that they know how to play with the toy nicely after the set time has passed. If the child continues the inappropriate behaviour after getting the toy back, remove the toy for an increased length of time, to a maximum of thirty minutes, after that, the child needs an alone time, which we will be covering later. If the child plays nicely with the toy when it is returned, give brief praise. An example: “That’s very nice playing with the car, Barbie. Good job.”

Sometimes our children can become overwhelmed or over-stimulated causing them to misbehave. At times like this it is our responsibility to remove them from the situation to allow them time to self-regulate. There are two strategies that are effective in achieving this goal. First, for dealing with disobedience and children repeating problem behaviours after a logical consequence, we remove them to the edge of the activity to sit quietly for a set time; we call this quiet time. Second, for dealing with temper outbursts, serious misbehaviour (e.g. hurting others) and children not sitting quietly in quiet time, we move them to an area away from others for a set time; we call this tool alone time. For these strategies it would be helpful to have a large countdown timer for the child to watch. You can find nice ones online that have the time remaining in red so the child can see a visual representation of how long they have left in either quiet time or alone time. Watching a timer can also help the child self-regulate because it gives them something to focus on other than what made them upset or got them removed from the activity.

When removing the child from the activity or privilege remember to keep your tone firm, but not angry. Remain calm and matter-of-fact. Ensure that you have explained what quiet time and alone time are to your children prior to using the strategies. Let them know where they will be put during alone time, how long they will need to stay there, and that the timer will be restarted every time they are not quiet. Let them know that they will be able to return to the activity or privilege once the timer runs down.

Quiet Time

If your child fails to obey an instruction from you or is exhibiting minor misbehaviours, like not sharing toys with others, it is time for a quiet time. The purpose of this strategy is to assist your child in re-focusing on obedience and self-regulation. You could say something like this: “Ok, Barbie, I told you to sit down on the couch, but you kept jumping on it, now it’s time for a quiet time.” At which point you bring the child to the predetermined spot on the edge of the activity and have them sit down. Once the child is quiet, you start the timer for thirty seconds for each year of life to a maximum of five minutes (e.g. a three year old would sit quietly for a minute and a half).

During this time, ensure that no one speaks to the child or gives them any attention or acknowledgement, and the child is to have no toys or other source of entertainment. If the child makes a noise or speaks, the timer is restarted and if the child refuses to sit in the designated spot or escalates their behaviour, you transition them to alone time.

Once the timer has run down (never leave them past the prescribed time) you tell your child that they can come out of quiet time and ask them to show you how they can sit nicely on the couch (or whatever the activity or privilege was that they were struggling with). When they are showing you how they can behave well, give them brief praise for their efforts, but don’t be too enthusiastic with the praise as we do not want to encourage bad behaviour to get attention. An example is: “You’re sitting very nicely on the couch, Barbie. Well done.”

Alone Time

The location for your child’s alone time needs to be safe and well ventilated and removed from other people. The idea here is NOT isolation, but to give the child a safe place to de-escalate. It should not be their bedroom, as we don’t want them associating their bedroom with negative feelings.

As with quiet time, alone time is thirty seconds per year of life up to a maximum of five minutes. Having a child sit by themselves completely alone for a few minutes is not isolation and does no harm to a child whatsoever. Ensure that no one gives the child attention and that the child has no toys or source of entertainment.

Once the timer has run down (never leave them past the prescribed time) you tell your child that they can come out of alone time when they are ready, and ask them to show you how they can play nicely with their sibling (or whatever the activity or privilege was that they were struggling with). When they are showing you how they can behave well, give them brief praise for their efforts, but don’t be too enthusiastic with the praise as we do not want to encourage bad behaviour to get attention. An example is: “You’re sharing very nicely with your sister, Barbie. Well done.”

Discipline vs. Punishment

	Punishment	Discipline
Intent	Retribution	Education
Feelings of Parent	Anger and Revenge	Love
Feelings of Child	Hurt and Guilt	Loved
End Result	Rebellion and Dependence	Obedience and Independence

Although, the terms discipline and punishment may have similar dictionary definitions (and punishment in scripture really means discipline) we use them here to differentiate between two actions that have opposite intentions and outcomes. The intention of punishment is to make someone suffer or pay for a perceived wrongdoing, as in the penal system. It fosters a mistrust of authority and promotes feelings of fear and resentment toward parents. Punishment lowers self-esteem and creates dependent individuals with poor decision-making skills. More often than not what adults see as misbehaviour is just children going through a natural learning process. That is why discipline, in direct contrast, is designed to teach children appropriate behaviour while still giving them room to make mistakes.

Parents who focus on the immediate behaviour of their child, rather than the person the child will become, are more likely to use punishment. Because their primary concern is compliance in the moment they believe they are a “good parent” because their child does not “act up” when they are around; and if their child misbehaves for others it is because those others are not tough enough. This can become a conflict between parents within the same home. The truth is, however, that the child behaves only out of fear of retribution, which is why they misbehave when the controlling parent is not present. Children who are excessively controlled by one or more of their caregivers never learn to control themselves. The parents have taken on all of the responsibility for their children’s actions and ironically often end up complaining about their children’s irresponsibility. For children to learn responsibility, they must be given age appropriate freedoms and choices.

When children are punished it can make them believe that they are bad instead of realizing that they just made a bad choice. Believing that they are bad, they do not reflect on how to do better next time because they don’t believe they can do better. Also, being given harsh and unjust punishments can make children angry and resentful towards their parent, which causes revenge-seeking behaviours.

One who uses coercion is guilty of violence. Coercion is inhuman.

–Mohandas Gandhi

Discipline does not use blame, shame, pain (physical or emotional) or coercion as motivators. It teaches children how to manage their own behaviours and regulate their own emotions. Children develop confidence and a healthy self-image when they are treated with respect. Discipline gives children clearly defined consistent boundaries with just and consistent consequences for over-stepping them. With discipline, consequences are also time-sensitive. So where punishment would be taking away all electronics indefinitely (or anything more than a day), discipline would be taking away one electronic device for 24 hours or less when a teen refuses to turn it off (a consequence logically related to the offence). Because the focus of discipline is on learning, the device would be returned to allow the teen the opportunity to show that they’ve learned to turn it off when they are told.

Encouraging Appropriate Behaviour

One issue many parents run into is in how they view their children’s behaviour. First of all, most of the time a child’s misbehaviour is just them going through the natural learning process. Second, some behaviours that are viewed by adults as undesirable in children are the very qualities that are applauded in adults! For example, an adult would be described as bold, independent, and brave; yet those same qualities in children are seen as stubborn, strong-willed, and difficult. An adult is thought of as sensitive and empathetic, but those same qualities in a child are viewed as high-need and whiny.

So how can we do a paradigm shift in our thinking to see these positive qualities in adults as positive qualities in children? How can we encourage in our young children the very traits we want to one-day see in our grown children?

Why Children Behave

A child that tends towards attention-seeking behaviours will change their behaviour to helping and volunteering when their belief about themself is changed to one of belonging by contributing. A parent can encourage this positive change by letting their child know that their contribution counts and is appreciated.

A teen who exhibits feelings of inadequacy will begin ignoring provocation and withdraw from power contests to decide their own behaviour when their belief about themself changes to knowing that they can decide to withdraw from conflict. A parent can facilitate this positive change by recognizing their child’s effort to act maturely.

Routine

Children do best when their time is guided by routine. They know what to expect in their day and they aren’t anxious or guessing about what comes next. Also, when a child starts to become bored with the current activity they are likely to begin to act out, but knowing that the activity is almost finished and what will come next makes it much less likely that they will misbehave. This is a secret that daycares and elementary schools employ to keep groups of children in line. Early childhood educators have reported that even a child who is new to the group will follow the lead of the other children much better when there is daily routine.

Age Appropriate Choices

Decision-making is not a skill we are born with, nor are we magically endowed with it the day after high school graduation. This is a vital life skill that must be learned. This learning process begins in the toddler years by giving your child age-appropriate choices. This will also help to prevent power-seeking behaviours.

The way it works is that you give your child a choice between two equally acceptable options in areas that are appropriate for their age and stage of development. For a two-year-old that could look something like: “Would you like to wear the yellow shirt or the red shirt?” Keeping in mind that both of these options must be equally acceptable. Follow-up with encouraging words about their choice.

Another example could be: “Would you like orange juice or milk with breakfast?” Again, assuming both of these are acceptable options to you.

Using Descriptive Praise

Descriptive praise describes specifically what it is that the child did well. For example rather than say, “Good job!” you would say, “Good job making your bed, Barbie, it looks great!”

Giving Healthy Attention

Attention is similar to affection, only without the physical contact. It could be waving at your child, smiling, nodding, or making eye contact. You can give attention from across the gymnasium while your teen is playing on the volleyball court or while sitting talking with them on the living room couch.

Have Interesting Activities

Children will be much less likely to misbehave when they have interesting activities to occupy themselves with. This is an especially important tool for long car rides, plane rides, sitting in waiting rooms, shopping trips, or when you are visiting other adults who have no children.

Your Full Toolbox

Congratulations! You have filled your parenting toolbox with 20 new parenting tools! Feel free to download the pdf files on this site (as they become available), as none are copyrighted, and begin using them today. We encourage you to read back over this study frequently as you learn to utilize your new strategies, and send us an email if you have any questions or particular behaviours you are struggling with. Sometimes all a family needs is a fresh set of eyes.

Here is a complete list of the new tools you’ve added to your toolbox today (pdf file available soon):

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Parenting Styles

There are three main parenting styles, one of which you will likely identify more strongly with. Once you identify your dominant parenting style, you can take steps towards improving your skills and becoming a more effective parent.

“Of all tyrannies a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

–C. S. Lewis

The Brick Wall Parent

Brick wall Parents believe they are parenting the correct way. It is usually how they were parented, so it is all they know. They often consider their child as more of a possession than a person in their own right with the same respect owed to them as to adults. Phrases that could be heard in a home with a Brick Wall Parent are:

• “As long as you live under my roof, you’ll follow my rules!”
• “Children should be seen and not heard.”
• “Because I said so!”

The Jellyfish Parent

Jellyfish Parents often are more concerned with their child liking them, or being their child’s friend, than being a parent. They are not intentionally hurting their children and they want them to be happy, they just do not realize the effect they are having. Often times a parent who is dealing with stress, anxiety, or trauma will bounce back and forth between being a Brick Wall and a Jellyfish. This inconsistency creates an unstable home environment in which children have no idea what is expected of them at any given moment. Phrases that may be heard in the home with a Jellyfish Parent are:

• “Fine, do what you want, you always do anyways!”
• “Why do I always have to yell before anyone listens?!”
• “I’ve told you a hundred times to … (insert instruction here)!”
• “Never mind, I’ll do it myself.”

The Honourable Parent

Being an Honourable Parent means focusing on building a healthy respectful relationship with your child while teaching them how to be productive members of society and obedient to YHWH’s Torah. Children do what they see, so being a good role model for your child is key. YHWH has commanded children to honour their parents, an honourable parent is one who is worthy of being treated with honour!

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Parenting Self-Care

Parenting is a very exhausting job both physically and emotionally, which is why you must care for yourself to ensure that you have the energy necessary to care for others. If you have an empty energy/emotion tank (E-Tank), you have nothing to give to your family.

Your E-Tank is like the fuel tank on your vehicle: you won’t get far running on empty. Here are ways to refuel your E-Tank .

Here is a symptom checker to monitor whether or not you have a healthy level of self-care.

If you find that you have been focusing more on your own needs than the needs of your children, do not waste your energy with guilt. Make a commitment to yourself today to develop healthy time management habits.

If you find that you have been focusing an unhealthy amount of time and energy on those around you, find ways to refuel your E-Tank every day.

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Depression

Parenting, combined with the everyday stresses in our lives and our own hormone fluctuations—from puberty, to having children, to growing older—can sometimes get us down. Feeling a little blue is not depression, but when those feelings stay for a prolonged period, it could be. It is important not to ignore the warning signs of depression. If you, or a loved one, are experiencing some of the signs and symptoms below, do not wait to seek professional help. A life could depend on it.

Symptoms and Signs of Depression

When people are depressed they often experience:

• Negative feelings about themselves
• Sadness, apathy (especially prolonged) or irritable mood
• A tendency to blame themselves
• Loss or increase of appetite (significant changes in weight)
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Constant fatigue
• Chronic but unexplained aches and pains
• Loss of interest in life
• An inability to make decisions
• An inability to analyze and solve problems

Teenagers may act out by:

• Increasing alcohol or other drug use
• Changing their pattern of school attendance; truancy
• Becoming delinquent
• Showing major changes in school performance
• Becoming sexually promiscuous
• Taking risk; involving themselves in dangerous undertakings
• Fighting with friends, family and teachers
• Changing their level of activity (e.g. restlessness to boredom)
• Rejecting past friends, family
• Having more accidents; driving dangerously
• Running away from home

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Scripture References

Strong’s h7626 שֵׁבֶט, shay’-bet

Genesis 49:10 The sceptre^h7626 shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh come; and unto him shall the gathering of the people be. (RSB)

Numbers 24:17 I shall see him, but not now: I shall behold him, but not nigh: there shall come a Star out of Jacob, and a Sceptre^h7626 shall rise out of Israel, and shall smite the corners of Moab, and destroy all the children of Sheth. (RSB)

Psalm 2:9 Thou shalt break them with a rod^h7626 of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter’s vessel.(RSB)

Psalm 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod^h7626 and thy staff they comfort me. (RSB)

Psalm 45:6 Thy throne, O Elohim, is forever and ever: the sceptre^h7626 of thy kingdom is a right sceptre.^h7626 (RSB)

Psalm 110:2 YHWH shall send the rod^h7626 of thy strength out of Zion: rule thou in the midst of thine enemies.(RSB)

Revelation 12:5 And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with a rod^g4464 of iron: and her child was caught up unto Elohim, and to his throne.(RSB)

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Strong’s h5221 נָכָה, naw-kaw

Leviticus 26:24 Then will I also walk contrary unto you, and will punish^h5221 you yet seven times for your sins.” (RSB)

2 Samuel 23:21 And he slew^h5221 an Egyptian, a goodly man: and the Egyptian had a spear in his hand; but he went down to him with a staff^h7626, and plucked the spear out of the Egyptian’s hand, and slew^h2026 him with his own spear. (RSB)

1 Chron 11:23 And he slew^h5221 an Egyptian, a man of great stature, five cubits high; and in the Egyptian’s hand was a spear like a weaver’s beam; and he went down to him with a staff^h7626, and plucked the spear out of the Egyptian’s hand, and slew^h2026 him with his own spear. (RSB)

Jonah 4:8 And it came to pass, when the sun did arise, that Elohim prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat^h5221 upon the head of Jonah, that he fainted, and wished in himself to die, and said, It is better for me to die than to live. (RSB)

Hosea 14:5 I will be as the dew unto Israel: he shall grow as the lily, and cast forth⁵²²¹ his roots as Lebanon. (RSB)

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Strong’s h3198 יָכַח yaw-kahh

יָכַח yaw-kahh’; a primitive root; to be right (i.e. correct); reciprocal, to argue; causatively, to decide, justify or convict:—appoint, argue, chasten, convince, correct(-ion), daysman, dispute, judge, maintain, plead, reason (together), rebuke, reprove(-r), surely, in any wise.

Proverbs 3:12 For whom YHWH loveth He correcteth^h3198; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. (RSB)

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Children of YHWH

Deuteronomy 8:5 Thou shalt also consider in thine heart, that, as a man chasteneth his son, so YHWH thy Elohim chasteneth thee. (RSB)

Deuteronomy 11:19 And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down and when thou risest up. (RSB)

Psalm 78:4 We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of YHWH and his strength, and his wonderful words that he hath done. (RSB)

Isaiah 38:19 The living, the living, he shall praise thee, as I do this day: the father to the children shall make known thy truth. (RSB)

Hebrews 12:6-7 For whom YHWH loveth He chasteneth and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, Elohim dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chastenieth not? (RSB)

Matthew 11:25 At that time Yeshua answered and said, I thank thee O Father, Ruler of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes. (RSB)

Matthew 19:13-14 Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. But Yeshua said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. (RSB)

Mathew 18:1-6 In that hour the disciples came to Jesus saying, Who then is greater in the kingdom of Heaven? And having called forward a little child, Jesus set him in their midst. And He said, Truly I say to you, Unless you convert, and become as the little children, not at all can you enter into the kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever will humble himself as this little child, this one is the greater in the kingdom of Heaven. And whoever will receive one such little child in My name receives Me. But whoever causes one of these little ones believing in Me to offend, it is better for him that a millstone turned by an ass be hung around his neck, and he be sunk in the depth of the sea.

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Your Mission

Your mission, should you choose to accept it (cue Mission Impossible music), is to raise up your little ones to be obedient to the commandmants of YHWH and to have faith in Yeshua Messiah in a world that is becoming increasingly hostile to both. If this seems like a mission impossible to you, you’re not alone.

Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of YHWH, and the faith of Yeshua.

Revelation 14:12 (RSB)

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May you be blessed by this study. Shalom.